REVIEW: CLOCK TOWER (1995)

REVIEW: CLOCK TOWER (1995)

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR CLOCK TOWER (1995)

Lock the doors, turn out the lights, keep your pets close, grab a baseball bat, and steel your nerves... Tonight, DOSeatDog reviews Clock Tower!

This creepy survival horror, point and click adventure was released for the Super Famicon (AKA the Super Nintendo) in Japan in 1995, and unfortunately never saw a North American release. As such, if you're not located in Japan, I hear by absolve you of any pirating guilt. That means you're going to have to use an emulator. And, for my money (or lack thereof) the ZSNES emulator is the best in the biz. Also, the game was never officially translated into English, but it's relatively easy to find a fan translation, such as the one I used from "ROMhacker" group AeonGenesis. Let us give them thanks and be grateful that someone would take the time to translate this piece of horror nostalgia. For the most part, the translation is excellent, even if there are a couple of grammatical issues here and there ("The Lattice's closed!"). And, after all, it's not as though "official" translations of early imported games were beyond reproach. At times the pioneer days of video games could be a real wild-west of engrish and too-literal-translation.

"I feel asleep!!!" - NES Port of Metal Gear (1987)

 "You! Invaders! Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die!" - Battle Rangers (1988)

"All your base are belong to us." - The infamous Zero Wing (1989)

Another brief note: The SNES game is sometimes referred to as Clock Tower: The First Fear, which is what the 1997 remastered edition for PC and Playstation 1 was called (also, as far as I know, only released in Japan) to differentiate it from Clock Tower II, which was released as Clock Tower outside of Japan. Did you catch all that? It doesn't really matter. 

  

Clock Tower II (1996), known as Clock Tower wherever the original Clock Tower (1995) wasn't released

In the game you take control of Jessi- er, Jennifer Simpson. A sweet, unassuming young girl on the cusp of blossoming into womanhood. You're finally growing up! Your Hormones are raging, you're growing hair in unexpected places, you're starting to notice boys...

... Sorry

... And you and your three friends (Ann, Laura, and Lotte) have just been adopted by the reclusive Simon Barrows! The game opens as Ms. Mary, the headmistress of the Granite Orphanage, chaperons you through the country side on foot, toward the isolated Barrows Mansion (whose distinguishing feature is a massive clock tower, the game's namesake). Nothing bad ever happens in creepy isolated mansions, so it's probably safe to assume that you and your friends will start a brand new chapter of your lives in the lap of luxury. 

Or not. 

Be it in films, books, or video games; the horror genre has a tendency to be controversial. I get that. It's a genre that's designed to provoke. It's designed to explore the visceral under side of the human psyche; to tap into the animal part of our mind that exists to kill, breed, and survive. It's pure exploitation. But it's also one of the only genres that let's the girl be the hero, and ultimately, many horror movies can be boiled down to tales about female empowerment.  Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't kill Jason Voorhees with a machete at the end of Friday the 13th part II; teenage camp counselor Ginny Fields does. Sylvester Stallone doesn't eject the Xenomorph into space at the end of Alien; warrant officer Ellen Ripley does. Bruce Lee doesn't jump head first into Freddy Krueger's Nightmare World to bring an end to his killing spree in A Nightmare on Elm Street; sixteen year old high school student Nancy Thompson does. This motif plays out again and again across the genre. A diminutive, subdued girl discovers reserves of emotional fortitude and strength beyond what they ever thought possible in the face of impossible odds. The video game industry has been accused, fairly or not, of chauvinism. Women typically exist to be rescued by muscle-bound gladiators armed with massive guns. Even when you do get to play as a female character, she is often scantily clad, buxom, and perfectly proportioned. She is clearly designed from a male perspective to entice a male audience. Whether or not you agree with the feminist view point on video game discrimination, it's kind of refreshing to play a game as the archetypical horror movie protagonist: a teenage girl, struggling for survival against an unstoppable monster, unarmed and alone. 

The Xenomorph, lookin' for love in Alien 3 (1992) 

When Ginny met Jason, Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

Fred and Nancy, A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Jennifer Simpson struggles against the Scissorman, Clock Tower (1995)

You take control of Jennifer after she has become separated from her friends in the lofty Barrows estate.Your task: find your friends, explore the mansion, and survive the night; not necessarily in that order. The interface of the game is incredibly simple. You won't find any gameplay tutorial telling you how to interact with the environment, but that's not really necessary. The game exists more as an interactive, cinematic horror experience. You move Jennifer from room to room, clicking on objects of interest and picking up items as you go. You use the items you pick up to help you progress. Pick up a key in one room to open a door on the other side of a mansion; grab a can of insecticide from the store room to hose down an intrusion of cockroaches in the meat locker. It's classic point and click action that will be instantly familiar to fans of the genre.

Y'know, for a mansion, this place is kind of a dump

There's no health bar, per se, in Clock Tower. Instead, the background of Jennifer's portrait will change color to indicate her level of panic. Various random and scripted events will effect Jennifer's panic level, and if it gets too intense, Jenifer will be unable to defend herself from the threats presented by the game environment, making you vulnerable to death. Running unnecessarily will increase your panic, as will triggering a paranormal event (usually by clicking on an object). When Jennifer's background flashes between red and blue, you need to mash the "panic button" as quickly as possible to defend against whatever is triggering your anxiety. I didn't quite get this at first, and was a little surprised when a parrot that I released from a cage flew around the room, causing me to panic and ending my game. Again, there's no tutorial, so figuring these things out requires a little trial and error; but, not much, because it really is a simple system. Point, click, button mash. The fun comes from the experience of being scared, not from the deep gameplay.  

Jennifer; feeling calm, cool, and collected in the religious study

Jennifer; on the verge of a nervous breakdown in a steamy bathroom

Too much panic will cause you to collapse, ending your game

The randomness of the game will keep you on your toes. Between different playthroughs, rooms will change positions. A surrealist painting will bleed as you walk by it the first time you play, and it won't the second time. A television will turn on by itself, a cat will jump out of a box. The element of the unexpected enhances the already incredibly creepy atmosphere of the mansion. Even the items you need to beat the game will change from one playthrough to the next; the first time I played, I had to collect a demon idol to open a certain trap door, the second time I needed to collect a sceptre. Some of this creepiness is purely random, and some of it is no doubt based on how you play; what steps you've taken as you progress deeper into the mansion. The mansion is, to me, almost a perfect horror environment. It's got everything you need, from massive empty foyers to cultist altar rooms. 

  

The demon idol

Clicking on the sink can give you a refreshing drink, or a handful of red red vino on tap

A pulsing organ will increase your panic

The randomness of the environment contributes to the massive replayability of the game, and extends to the number of different endings you can get. Some of the endings are considered "bad" endings, and some are "good". I bypassed most of the story of the game for one of the endings I got; running straight into a garage, finding some car keys, and high tailing it away from the mansion after a moment of contemplation on whether or not I should go back and save my friends. On another playthrough, the car I used to escape wasn't even in the garage. It was nowhere to be found. 

Ah, fuck it. Sayonara, suckers!

This is one of the game's "bad" endings

The breadth of the story changes upon repeated playthroughs, as well. My first playthrough, I smashed through a wall into a totally empty prison cell. The second time I played through, the prison cell contained the corpse of Jennifer's long deceased father, including a hand written note explaining the origins of the game's antagonists. Whether this was random, or whether it occurred because of an extra step I had taken while exploring the mansion, it's a pretty major piece of plot to be missing from any playthrough; but, ultimately the game isn't about the plot. It's about the atmosphere and the scares, and so even a missing piece of plot development like this doesn't really hurt the game that much. It just adds extra color to the experience when you actually do come across it. The game is meant to be played multiple times, and these variables make it easy to do so without getting worn out. I ended up playing the game three times, getting a bad ending once, getting a good ending the second time, and using a walkthrough to get the best ending the third time. I would highly recommend not using a walkthrough for your first time, unless you get absolutely stuck. It really lessens the sense of the unknown, which is all-important in a game like this. 

The prison cell was empty during this playthrough

It was decidedly not empty during this playthrough

Eventually, no matter how you progress through the game, you are going to have your first encounter with the game's primary antagonist: a demonic, horribly disfigured, psychotic little boy wielding a pair of shears as big as he is. This is Bobby Barrows, the Scissorman. He follows in the footsteps of figures like Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers in the grand tradition of unstoppable slasher villains. Where and how you encounter him, like much of the game, is random. He will pop out of a box in the storage room, or drop out of the roof in the music room, or sometimes he will randomly begin to pursue you in the hallways of the mansion if you've gone too long without an encounter. Whatever the case may be, once you have triggered an encounter with the Scissorman, he will not stop chasing you until you find a way to injure him, or hide from him; and, even then, it`s only a matter of time until he reappears to enact his vengeance. After you manage to shake the scissorman, you will be paranoid with each new room you enter, terrified that he might pop out from any corner. And just when that sense of tension begins to leave you, he will.

Interrupting scissorman's bathtime 

Hiding behind a cabinet. Sometimes it pays to not be three feet tall

Hiding under a bed

If he corners you, you may be able to knock him over and run away, assuming that your panic level is at an acceptable level. If he knocks you to the ground, he will dance around you with childish glee, relishing the terror he inflicts. This is not a little boy who has been sorely missing a mother's touch; it's a murderous, sociopathic demon who has been stalking and killing your friends, and would love nothing more than to decapitate you and somersault around your lifeless remains. The sound of his clippers opening and closing will be audible as he enters a room, heralding oncoming danger.

PEEK-A-BOO!

Scissorman hiding in the roof, can you spot him?

The scissorman and his brother, Dan Barrows, are the byproduct of a ceremony performed by an occult religious order that the Barrows family exists to perpetuate. The whole adoption thing has been a farce to bring new victims into the fold, and you're next up on the menu. You can't really defeat the scissorman while in the mansion, only delay him. Eventually, if you can avoid one of the "bad" endings, you will encounter him in a dramatic final showdown in the titular clock tower, which has been designed by family Patriarch Simon Barrows as a fail safe to defeat his demonic offspring.

Apparently, some of the character design and events in the game are based off of the work of famed Italian horror director Dario Argento, particularly the movie Phenomena (1985) (recut and released as Creepers in the U.S.). As a fan of the genre, I'm somewhat ashamed to say that I've never seen an Argento film as of yet. But I'm well aware of his legacy and importance in the medium, and looking at stills from the movie online I can definitely see the resemblance between Jennifer Simpson from Clock Tower and Jennifer Corvin from phenomena, portrayed by Jennifer Connelly. That's a lot of Jennifer's for one sentence; it can't be a coincidence. The broad strokes of Clock Tower and Phenomena seem to be quite different though, plot wise. In Phenomena, the protaganist discovers that she has a psychic ability to communicate with insects, and uses her ability to track down a serial killer who has been haunting her campus. There's no such psychic insect manipulation in clock tower. Inspiration also seems to have been drawn from another Argento film, Suspiria (1977).

 

Jennifer playing Jennifer, the inspiration for Jennifer. Phenomena (1985)

Deformed child serial killer Patua, the inspiration for Bobby Barrows. Phenomena (1985)

The stained glass death scene in Suspiria (1977)

An inspiration for the stained glass death scene in Clock Tower

Like many horror films, the soundtrack of the game plays a big part in building the atmosphere of apprehension and fear. The opening theme of the game is reminiscent of great horror themes in films like Halloween (1978) or Phantasm (1979); and the scissorman chase theme will get your quicken your heart beat. Minor chords and dissonance will make you feel ill at ease, even when the scissorman isn't visible on screen. But, the way that the game uses silence is perhaps even more effective. When you are alone in the foyer, with no sound accompanying you except that of your own footsteps, the sense of isolation you feel will be palpable. It's just you, alone, walking through drafty halls; and him, the scissorman, somewhere out there lurking and listening.

Theme from Halloween

Theme from Phantasm

Opening theme from Clock Tower

Clock Tower chase music

The game is genuinely scary. The villain, the soundtrack, the environment of the mansion; they all work together to give you a lasting case of the heebie-jeebies. But, here's the thing: You need to be willing to go to a certain place psychologically to be scared by a game, or a movie, or anything. You need to lower your walls a little. In your heart of hearts, you know that the events being depicted on the screen aren't real, and knowing that can take some of the power away. If you play this game like the teenager in the movie theatre cracking jokes with his friends, then you won't be scared. And games like this kind of rely on your willingness to be scared. That being said, if a game is totally relying on you to artificially inflate your openness to fear, then I don't think you can consider it an effective horror game. That's not clock tower; clock tower is a creepy game that creeps up on you. I didn't even realize how uneasy I was feeling until I went downstairs to grab a midnight snack, and thought "Hey, maybe I'll just carry this hammer downstairs with me". Then, when coming upstairs, I decided to grab the cat and lock him in the room with me as an early warning system against ghosts and goblins. 

Oh yaaay, a wrecked child's bedroom, complete with creepy dolls

Just my feeling of impending doom, that's all

I love horror games, I love horror movies, I love being scared, and I'm open to the experience. I'm a fan of the genre, and the primal switch that it can trigger in the mind. But I know that not everyone can go there. Roller coasters aren't for everyone, sky diving isn't for everyone, and the horror genre isn't for everyone, and that's fine; but it works for me and I enjoy it. Beyond that, the 16-bit goodness that the Super Nintendo delivers is like bottled nostalgia to me, and while I don't consider myself an overly nostalgic person, sometimes it's good to take a deep drink. And Clock Tower is hovering at the pinnacle of the Super Nintendo's capabilities; it's a beautiful game, whereas it's sequel was developed during the naissance of 3D graphical capabilities and as a result looks kind dated. All told, the game is almost a perfect storm of things that I enjoy, so for me it was a must play. You might not feel the same way, but if any of what I've said resonates with you, then their is a good chance that this game should be in your "must-play-list" as well. 

THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON BIDS FAREWELL

DOS EAT DOG BIDS FAREWELL TO THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON

Do the conversations between late night television hosts and their guests ever seem stilted to you? Rehearsed? Does the host ever seem to be asking leading questions to open the door for an amusing anecdote? Well, I hate to shatter the illusion, but that's because they are. Guests undergo an extensive pre-interview process to ensure that a host can find something to talk with them about. In an age of publicists and public image consultants, this fact isn't really surprising. What is surprising is that this process is completely thrown out the window on Craig Ferguson's late late show.

Mila Kunis reveals why guests love doing The Late Late Show

I know this because it's been brought up by Ferguson's guests, while in the same breath revealing that his is the easiest, least stressful, most enjoyable show to guest on. His interviews have a conversational ease that makes them stick out from the traditional talk show fare, and their unrehearsed nature is reflected by Ferguson's symbolic destruction of his note cards at the beginning of each guest segment. It helps that he only has people on the show that he's interested in talking to; you won't, for example, see Kim Kardashian on the Late Late Show plugging her latest perfume line.

Irreverent, off the cuff, and tongue in cheek, Ferguson has spent the last ten years making light of the serious and entertaining college kids, night owls, and people with internet connections the world over. He works within the confines of the late night talk show format, while at the same time shredding the format's conventions, lighting them on fire, and dancing on their grave with his trusty horse companion, Secratariat. His late night sidekick is a talking skeleton named Geoff Peterson. His band is non-existent, though frequently referenced. And, you never know who is going to phone in on his ever present vintage telephone, from "Morgan Freeman" to "Bill Clinton" to "Evil Santa Clause". A mounted rhinoceros head shouts quips from above a faux fire-place. Surreal bumper videos of Bowie/Terminator hybrids herald his comedic fan mail segments. All in all, Ferguson's set is reminiscent of a demented talk show version of Pee Wee's playhouse. It's silly, but never stupid. Ferguson compares his haircut to that of Irish avant-garde author Samuel Becket, and criticizes the paintings of abstract expressionist Mark Rothko; he somehow refuses to appeal to the lowest common denominator while doing exactly that, often to the chagrin of his perpetually displeased producer Michael Naidus (who Ferguson, jokingly, accuses of anti-semitism despite his jewish origin).

Ferguson's put upon producer, Michael Naidus

Ferguson's repartee with sidekick Geoff Peterson is always a highlight of the show

Ferguson takes a phone call

Secratariat entertains the crowd!

Partially, all of this is because... Well, the show is on at 12:30, and he can get away with it. But beyond that, it's because Ferguson is an genuine, one-of-a-kind soul. He is seemingly incapable of inauthenticity. He doesn't toe the party line. He speaks frankly about his past problems with addiction, and about his true feelings toward his show, CBS, and his audience.

Ferguson speaks frankly about his past addictions

Ferguson's final Late Late Show aired tonight. It was a typical episode, and the perfect sendoff for an atypical host. His presence will be sorely missed in the sphere of late night television. Dos Eat Dog bids Craig Ferguson a fond farewell, and wishes him much luck in his future endeavours! 

REVIEW: VAMPIRE: THE MASQUERADE - BLOODLINES

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR VAMPIRE: THE MASQUERADE - BLOODLINES (2004)

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines is a 2004 first person/third person RPG set in White Wolf publishing's "World of Darkness" tabletop RPG universe (first established in 1991). Having never played the tabletop game, I can't be entirely sure how accurately the video game translates the source material, but the benefit of having a decade old pool of characters and lore to draw from is apparent. The game is so rich in story that I was totally engrossed from the beginning, and became almost obsessive in discovering lore. It's good, really good.

White Wolf publishing is responsible for the traditional RPG

Guess what! Vampires are real. And they aren't the glittering pretty boys of the twilight universe, but closer to the nihilistic shadow empire of conflicting politics and backstabbing featured in the Blade series of films. Not only that, but all those bogey men you're mother threatened would take you away if you didn't finish your dinner? Yeah, they're real too. Vampires, Zombies, Werewolves, Ghosts, Supernatural serial killers; not only do they exist, but you will have to contend with them throughout the course of the game.

This...

... Not this.

You are thrown into the the rich story of the game head first as a newly "sired" vampire, a "neonate". One moment, you're a regular human being involved in a romantic encounter; the next, you're the walking, talking undead. This a no-no. The "Camarilla", a vampire sect who are in control of Los Angeles, exist to enforce the laws of the vampire, known as "the masquerade", wherein drawing unnecessary attention to your kind is an offense punishable by death. Unfortunately for your sire, this includes "embracing" a random civilian without the permission of the vampire prince, Simon Lacroix; and, the game opens with the execution of your sire for violating the masquerade. You are reluctantly spared due to the objections of Nines Rodriguez; folk hero, freedom fighter, and influential member of the "Anarch" movement. The Anarch's are a political faction of some prominence who work against the rule of the Camarilla, styled after classic resistance movements and figures such as Che Guevara. The Camarilla and the Anarch Movement have an uneasy truce; they both abhor the killing of innocents, and any action that will draw unnecessary attention to the Vampire community. The tension between the two groups arises as a result of the Camarilla's desire to enforce their will over others, as opposed to the premium that the Anarch community places on individuality and self-determination.

Smiling Jack and Damsel, two Anarch revolutionaries

Hands where I can see 'em!

The Sabbat, on the other hand, are wild animals. Totally opposed to Camarilla rule, but without the moral restrictions of the Anarch movement. They kill indiscriminately, shoot up buildings, and otherwise disregard the rules of the masquerade with no fear of the consequence. They sire new vampires at will to inflate their ranks, and often these new recruits have no idea that they are vampires. They exist solely to die as foot soldiers for the cause. The Sabbat are the unambiguous bad guys of the game. They don't really have any redeeming qualities. They aren't freedom fighters like the Anarch movement, but rather seek to usurp the authority of the Camarilla to supplant it with their own totalitarian rule. The Anarch movement and the Camarilla movement are better, but measurably so. They still seek to manipulate the protagonist for their own means, and you have to take whatever they say with a grain of salt. If you ask the newly minted "thin-blood" seer on the beach who you can trust, neither of them will warrant a mention, and ultimately you'll need to temper any political alliance you develop with a desire for self-preservation.

The leader of the Sabbat in VtMB... Hmmm, I wonder if he's a bad guy

The Camarilla, the Anarchs, and the Sabbat are all known as "sects"; basically, broad political affiliations whose members hail from a variety of vampire "Clans". The old adage "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family" comes to mind when thinking of the difference between Sects and Clans. Clans are basically what type of vampire you are. What you look like, what your special abilities are. Each clan can trace it's lineage to an "Antediluvian" (pre-biblical flood) vampire, who themselves diverged from the original vampire Caine (yes, the biblical Cain). How much of this ancient vampire origin lore is accurate is questionable, but what is clear is that in modern times your vampire clan determines your unique vampire traits, your strengths and your weaknesses. The clans are based on existing archetypes established from vampire literature and media. The Ventrue, for example, are the aristocratic, aloof vampire nobility that would be right at home in an Anne Rice novel. Simon Lacroix, the vampire prince of Los Angeles, is a ventrue. The ventrue are able to "dominate", that is, they wield the ability to bend other beings to their will through the force of their mind.

Simon Lacroix is the Vampire Prince of L.A., an aristocratic "Ventrue" in the vein of an Anne Rice novel

The Nosferatu, on the other hand, are a monstrous looking clan of vampires who inhabit the city sewer system, based on (you guessed it) the 1922 German film Nosferatu. For them, to even be seen by a mortal is a violation of the Masquerade; as such, their abilities are focused on stealth. They stick to the alleys, have the ability to turn invisible (obfuscate), make use of a shadow internet of their own devising called SHREKnet (presumably named after the actor Max Schreck who portrayed Count Orlock in Nosferatu), and are basically the intelligence branch of the vampire world.

Count Orlock, from "Nosferatu" (1922)

A member of the "Nosferatu" clan in VtMB

Which clan you choose, and which sect you align yourself with will alter the course of the game and gives the game a massive amount of replayability. When I played through, I chose to align myself with the Anarchs. As such, the final stage of my game involved inflitrating the Lacroix tower, and defeating the foreboding Camarilla enforcer known as "The Sheriff", a massive, oaken vampire with a final-fantasy-sized sword who can turn into a gigantic bat, before blowing up Lacroix tower. If, on the other hand, I had formed an alliance with the Camarilla, the ending of my game would have been different. Similarly, the clan you choose will open different dialogue options and different paths to completing the games objective.

The Sheriff, flexing a muscle

Not so smug now, eh Lacroix?!

If you play as a "normal" looking vampire, you may find the Nosferatu clan off-putting, and are given the option to critique their appearance. If you play as a Nosferatu, you will be granted unique dialogue options to help you deal with the insular, secretive clan. Playing as a Malkavian, a group of vampires defined by their insanity, will grant you dialogue options from out of left field, the result of your diseased mind. When I initially started the game, rather then directly choose my vampire clan I underwent the game's questionnaire to determine who I should play as. It selected the Nosferatu clan for me, and while they were undoubtedly awesome looking, and I do enjoy the stealth aspects of the game, I chose to return to the menu and select my clan manually wishing for a more typical gameplay experience for my first time. I wanted to be able to walk among the mortals, and didn't want to stick to the sewer system eating rats.

Jeanette/Therese. A... Multifaceted Malkavian

One of the problems with the game is a flip side to the game's strengths. Namely, the game grants you all these opportunities to customize your character strengths and weaknesses by allocating the experience points that you earn by completing missions. So you can spend all your character points crafting yourself into a stealthy, lock picking, computer hacking savant, but eventually you are going to have to fight a gigantic slug boss against whom stealth and computer-hacking are useless. You'll be kicking yourself and wishing you had built up your firearms and damage resistance then. I put most of my skill points into making my character a melee menace, extremely capable with a sword and with a high defense rating, but their were some boss battles where it was just extremely unwise to get near your opponent, and I ended up machine gunning them from a distance despite my piss-poor firearm rating.

   

Maybe I can sneak past?

The game excels at blending the age old conventions of gothic horror with the modern twists we've come to expect in RPG's, creating a truly unique gothic-punk environment that is a pleasure to discover and explore at your leisure. Biblical references, and vampire tropes that have existed since "The Vampyre" was published in 1819 blend seamlessly with computer hacking and gun-toting violence. The streets of Los Angeles serve as the game's central hub. You will communicate with the various characters who populate the world to uncover new quests, necessary for earning experience. Many of the side quests in the game are yours to discover, and the game will not force feed them to you. For example, I had forgotten entirely to check my computer in the Santa Monica apartment that serves as a home base until late in the game, when I discovered a series of unfulfilled quests relayed through e-mail. At one point, I decided to talk to a bartender who I had previously overlooked, only to discover another new quest. These quests aren't necessary to complete the game. You won't find the experience points you've missed all-essential for defeating the final stages of the game. Instead, these hidden side quests serves as rewards for your own curiosity, and it's nice to be rewarded in this way. If there's no point to exploring the nooks and crannies of a game world, the world can quickly get stale and you'll find yourself playing through the main quest with blinders on. This is not a problem in Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines.

An atmospheric horror environment

I'm no doctor, but this seems sanitary

You aren't granted total freedom to do whatever you want in the game. Their are a few game mechanics which exist to police your actions - namely, humanity points, and Masquerade points. The vampires in the game are engaged in a constant struggle with their animalistic nature, which they personify as "the beast". Succumbing to the beast is a negative thing. A vampire will basically give up all self control, attacking and feeding on anything within range, all thought of upholding the vampire moral code totally flushed down the toilet. The more humanity points you lose, the less control you will have over your inner beast, but it's entirely possible to enter a frenzy even without a low humanity rating. You will lose control over the player character, and watch passively as it beats someone nearby into a pulp and drains their blood. It's comparable to getting black out drunk. One second, I was talking to a bail bondsman; the next, he was on the ground, dead, and the police were looking for me for a "criminal violation". You can obtain a criminal violation by doing anything illegal, regardless of whether it costs you a humanity point or a masquerade point, but it's easy to give law enforcement the slip by disappearing into the sewer system. The cops won't follow you down there. You lose masquerade points when you reveal to the public that you are a vampire, mainly if you are caught feeding by a bystander. The person you feed on seems to fall into a trance, so it's only by being spotted by a third party that you risk losing masquerade points. If you lose all your masquerade points, the game ends; but, the game provides you various opportunities for "masquerade redemption" by eliminating a problematic vampire, or convincing a mortal to forget what they've seen.

Police officers patrol the streets of L.A., but that's okay because I'm sure you're a law abiding Vampire...

The combat in the game is simple, but fun. On your part, it mainly involves aiming at the enemy and clicking the mouse button, whether you're wielding a melee weapon or a gun; but behind the scenes there is math going on that takes into account your stats, and the stats of your opponent. Utilizing your vampire powers will give you boosts to stats and affects combat in a variety of ways; Celerity, for example, increases your speed, allowing you to hit an enemy as he's flying through the air and effortless avoid attacks. You're vitae meter serves as a kind of mana pool: it drains as you use special abilities, and is refueled by drinking blood.

A tasty midnight snack is a good "pick-me-up"

Occasionally the game will take you away from the action on the main drags of Los Angeles, and deposit you in "Special Stages" where you will need to complete a mission. These stages serve as a refreshing break from the regular action of the game; they're almost mini games within the game itself. Early on you are tasked with visiting a haunted hotel, and their are some genuine scares as you explore your way into the basement. Doors will slam shut behind you, painting will fly off the wall as you come near, and the ghostly apparition of a murdered woman will guide you into the bowels of the building as you uncover the dark history of the hotel through journal excerpts and diary entries.

A chandelier falls in the haunted hotel. Is it too late to cancel our reservation, dear?

Infiltrating "The Dane" a boat which is crawling with police officers, will require you to use all your vampire stealthiness. Later, you will be sent to investigate the mansion of a Malkavian vampire named Grot, where you will have to read obscure riddles in order to solve puzzles and progress deeper into the mansion. To me, this was the most frustrating part of the game, as I have a barely suppressed hatred for puzzles. I just don't enjoy them that much, even if they're not particularly difficult to solve. But, many online commentators have stated that this is their favorite part of the game, which goes to show that the game has something for everyone.

A candle stick puzzle in the Malkavian Mansion

When all else fails, stab a book shelf in frustration

Despite the dark subject matter that goes hand in hand with being a blood-drinking creature of the night, the game is actually jam packed with irreverent humour. Like many of the side quests, the humour isn't jammed in your face and can often be found off the beaten track of  the game. Some of the jokes are subtle, some are ridiculously brash. As part of your character creation, you can choose a special "History" trait regarding what your vampire did as a mortal, which will influence your characters strengths and weaknesses. The Nosferatu have a history called "Video Game Publisher" where "you relish a sad pleasure in ruining promising game developing studios with impossible deadlines". On a computer terminal in the back of a smut shop, you can read some hilariously graphic and ludicrous pornographic scenarios for video tapes the shop has on back order. An address next to a locked doorway reads "1337", a reference to the leet-speak prevalent in some parts of the Internet. At one point while exploring a museum I turn a corner and nearly have a heart attack as I'm face to face with a velociraptor. It doesn't move, and it dawns on me that it's stuffed. A nearby note reveals that the night staff of the museum left the raptor there to frighten the day staff.

AHHHHHHHHhhh.. ahh... Oh.

LEET!

Activision arcade games! Pitfall, Call of Duty, Rampage!

The soundtrack is fully fleshed out and incredibly appropriate to the environments. The main theme that plays over the menus is ominous and inviting, hinting at the depth of the game itself. Even the stuff that I wouldn't necessarily put on my ipod, like gothic-scream-metal from groups such as "die my darling", is totally appropriate when you're in a gothic-punk night club run by vampires. Yes... This is exactly what I would expect to hear if I were to enter a club called "confessions" in what appears to be an abandoned cathedral. I found myself developing a taste for musical genres that I hadn't really explored in the past. The only problem is that there is ONE song per environment. If you enter a new bar, it will have a cool song playing, but it will be playing on a loop repeatedly every time you enter the bar. Maybe it's fitting, as the club-goers who populate these bars have ONE dance move. They look utterly ridiculous, jumping frantically and waving their arms like they've caught on fire. I couldn't help but laugh every time I saw the spastic, unfamiliar movement; especially when a group of dancers got together on the floor, flailing like a group of half-lit synchronized swimmers.

  

Cutting a rug! Look at those moves!

Should I call an ambulance?

The game certainly does have it's flaws. For one thing, modern gamers will be disappointed at the almost total lack of appearance customization for your character. Whichever vampire clan you choose to play with, you're basically stuck with the default appearance for that clan, and some of them look downright goofy. Throughout the game you will be able to purchase new armor from the vendors scattered throughout the game, and this goes a ways toward making your character look cooler, but you will have to play for several hours before this even becomes an option. That's really what it boils down to though, the ability to make your character look... Well... Cool. It seems vain, and somewhat unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but when I'm going to sink multiple hours into a game I want my character to look cool. I don't want to be forced to look at a semi-silly default character skin, and I'd be lying if I said that my character's appearance didn't influence my choice for which vampire clan to play as, as much as their stats and clan history did.  

This problem carries over to the non-player characters of the game. The streets are teeming with homeless people, and I'm pretty sure that the entire homeless population of the game shares two character models (male/female). This extends to all the areas of the game. If you're in a goth/vampire bar, you're going to see the same three or four club kids dancing with... themselves. If you're on the streets, you're going to see the same three or four yuppies walking by you again and again. I'd like to think that this is the game's way of delivering some biting satire on the homogenization of culture and the very human need to conform and assimilate, but that's giving it way too much credit. In reality, it mostly has to do with the limitations a decade old game had to work within due to time constraints, budget constraints, and the constraints of the hardware that was available for gaming back in 2004. If I was reviewing this game in 2004, I very well might have been praising it for the diversity of the NPC's rather than the lack thereof.

You two must be sisters...

A glitch in the matrix, perhaps?

To be perfectly honest, the lack of diversity isn't even that distracting. I noticed it, but it wasn't a sticking point, and the variety of environments open for exploration were ample distraction. It's when it happens in the cinematic cut-scenes, which are few and far between, that it's really distracting. Really? There are five people in this cut-scene, and you're going to make two of them the exact same character model? The first time this happened, I was willing to overlook it. Maybe they were Matrix-style "creepy monster twins", that's not beyond the realm of possibility, right? But by the second time a cut-scene didn't bother to ensure that identical character models weren't present, I had to admit that it was some lazy work.

Creepy vampire twins, or lazy game design?

Beyond that, there is some random glitchiness in the game which will, momentarily, harm the immersion you experience. At one point in the game, two random NPC's collided while walking on the sidewalk and became... Trapped inside each other. If I left the area and returned hours later, after completing quests somewhere else entirely, the unwillingly conjoined twins were still there. They remained in that spot for the rest of the game, struggling to disentangle themselves.

  

Killllll usssss.... Killlll usssss.....

The supposedly isolated alleyways of the game, where you can corner an NPC and feed on their blood to restore your vitae levels, sometimes randomly became party central, filling up with random pedestrians and homeless people as you are feeding. This became an annoyance, as being caught feeding on a human being is a violation of the Masquerade, and a criminal offence which the police will come after you for.

A restaur- er, an alleyway.

The thing is, all of these flaws and glitches that compile throughout the game don't really matter much in the grand scheme of thing. There's so much good in this game that it offsets the bad; but, it's not even about that. It's not as though I was willing to overlook the bad things because they were counterbalanced by the good things; to be honest, I barely noticed the glitches and repeating character models. They just weren't that distracting at all.

I had a blast playing this game, and would recommend it to anyone who asks. It's steeped in such interesting lore that you will feel compelled to uncover it; to explore and interrogate until you get a grasp on the history and politics of the vampire world. The environments of the game are beautiful in their grittiness and simplicity. It's not a "busy" game world, visually. It's straightforward, but with a remarkable amount of depth. You won't get lost, it won't take you an hour to find your objective, and you won't be needlessly frustrated. But, you'll actually want to go off the beaten path to see what's out there, even though you aren't forced to. If you like the modern incarnations of franchises like Deus Ex, Fallout, and The Elder Scrolls, then the gameplay of Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines will be familiar and pleasing to you. It's a crime that the game hasn't spawned a series of successful sequels like those other titles; if the "World of Darkness" setting were translated to modern times, with modern graphics and character modelling, I truly believe that it would be a blockbuster. It's important to note that I played the game with the unofficial patch developed by the fan community in the decade since the game was originally released, and that upon it's initial release the game was considered to be buggy, so I have to recommend that if you play this game, you should download the unofficial patch, which isn't hard to find after a cursory google search.